frozen inferno

frozen inferno
Originally uploaded by Shine5.

Broadcasting live and direct from a cold hell, with only my fear to keep me warm. Outside it refuses to storm so I hide from the light and rain tears on the inside. Everything has changed since I stopped masturbating, I have a lot more time to play Monopoly while listening for those footsteps in the hallway. I hear everything. As they descend to this basement level, the authoritarian click of the storm trooper boot heels warns me of their approach. I tell myself that I’m ready for the millionth and what I’m positive will be the last time, the boots come closer still. How long is that damn hallway anyway? I laugh in a snort through my nose, time is fucking with me. There is a sharp static crackle. Ha! One of them forgot to turn off his walkie-talkie. I tell myself I’m ready for the million-and-oneth time and look up into the darkness that surrounds the pale glow of my computer screen, waiting. The boots stopped beating. Maybe it was my heart the whole time. I hear everything, but it all sounds like they are coming to get me. I just wait for the nighttime to come so I can slip out the back door and blend into the shadows casts by floating candles on a dark lake. I burn so black and swim in nothing, feeling like a beautiful nothing until day comes to take away my safe. I clutch my desperate dream closely to my chest, squeezing the last seconds from shot glasses and strange kisses until I notice day out of the corner of my eye. She always slips in so quietly, promising not to make any trouble, not this time, but I know better. She watches me for hours sometimes, a sweety sticky smile on her face, and on occasion I fall into it and have another drink. When I open my eyes I’m standing on a corner as a river of people-like instruments flow over and around me in the form of schoolgirls and businessmen. I want to stand completely still until they pass and hope that they won’t notice me, but they never stop coming and I have to make a move. Then I realize that they can’t see me. Then I remember that I’m invisible. I laugh out loud, really loud, because how could I forget that I don’t even exist in the daytime. I levitate back to my cave and turn on the night so I can pass out with my glasses on in the reassuring glow of a computer that never goes off.